|
The
only question to answer after surviving the wreck that is "Attack
of the Clones" is whether the last third helps you forget the
absolute stupefying horror that is the first two thirds.
It's probably beyond
the call of duty to list all the terrifically bad elements of "Attack
of the Clones" that make it such a chore to wait through, especially
when 99% of the audience is there for the final jedi battle anyway.
Still, it has to be
said. George Lucas has carved this script from pure cellulose and
bark. Never mind that the story has all the structure of spaghetti;
it is, after all, a film that supposedly is a wild ride between
action scenes. But seemingly every scene where there is more than
a line of dialogue is some of the worst stuff imaginable.
A solid middle of the
film, for example, is the budding romance between the pre-Vader
Annakin Skywalker (played with complete lack of verve by Hayden
Christensen) and the young senator Padme (the normally talented
Natalie Portman). If you thought Luke from "Star Wars"
was whiny, wait until you hear Annakin complain about everything.
If he isn't grating on about how Obi Wan is holding him back
or being a complete asshole while doing his job, he latches onto
Padme with the creepy determination of a galactic stalker.
Bounty
Hunters, droids and Jedi help "Attack of the Clones" from
becoming a complete nightmare
And the lines
they get are in fact worse than anything you'll hear from TV teen
dramas like Dawson's Creek. If you're in the right mood and
in an audience that won't immediately murder you, you might
have a good time howling at lines such as: Padme: "We can't
be together. You're a Jedi Knight and I'm a Senator!" And watch
how the music suddenly stops dead the first time Annakin is rejected
by Padme. Is it a farce or is it true love? Hard to tell.
We return to our central
question. Is it worth sitting through just so you can get to the
Jedi battle? I'll need to see it again to judge for certain as I
saw this first under less than ideal conditions. Let's just say
that if Jedi battles is what you came for, a massive Jedi battle
is what you get. In a movie where nearly every scene has some sort
of computer graphics element, the final battle between the army
of Clones, Jedi and droids is a gigantic undertaking of CG choreography
and compositing with thousands of elements.
Admiration for the
technical undertaking aside, it is pretty joyful watching dozens
of Jedi wreaking havoc in an arena surrounded by droid warriors
and big creatures to be quickly followed by a large scale land battle
between the clone army, flying ships and, again, big things that
go boom. This is surely something Lucas knows. If only he
could hire another director and writer to take over what he doesn't
know.
Strike
the pose
Star Wars nerds will
enjoy seeing the turnabout of having the Jedi fighting side by side
with the precursors of the Stormtroopers in the form of the Clones.
Also the inclusion of actual villains of worth in Christopher Lee's
Count Dooku (who comes up with these names anyway? ... on yeah)
as a renegade Jedi and the father-son bounty-hunter team of Jango
and pre-teen Boba Fett is interesting. Finally, the moment of truly
intended hilarity when Yoda suddenly leaps into the air to battle
Dooku Crouching Tiger-style is great.
No one is going to
convince lovers of the Star Wars mythology not to see the film as
with an event film of this kind it's impossible to be blindsided
by the fantastical elements ("what? These guys can fly through
the air and have laser swords?"). The lowered expectations
brought on by the "The Phantom Menace" makes the terrible
elements of "Attack of the Clones" not too surprising
either.
In theatres now.
|
