Don't say you weren't warned. "The Scorpion King" is one of those films that borders between dumb and fun and most of the time it's fun while remaining pretty dumb. It's the year 2002 and they're still making "Beastmaster". It's one of those films that should have a life as a rental long after it disappears from the box office, the same as the other films in its lineage, 80s barbarian action films featuring maidens in skimpy chainmail thongs and big burly guys who chop up hordes of screaming turbanned dudes in slow motion.

An only somewhat related spinoff of the "Mummy" films, "The Scorpion King" is not as funny nor as genuinely entertaining as any of the two adventures. Firstly, it's set in an unspecified fantasy time period where Amazons, Mongols, Assyrians and villains with British accents occupy the same land. Unreality aside, "The Scorpion King" just isn't as campy as it could have been given the amount of disbelief required.

Sure, there is a constant sense of humour that fits the persona of the star, WWF's The Rock, and "The Scorpion King" has its cliched comedy standbys such as the ethnic stereotype thief and the slapstick action choreography. But it just wasn't cheesy enough. The Rock needed twice as many one-liners and probably more support from the live action Jar-Jar sidekick.

It doesn't help that "The Scorpion King" didn't have a credible villain. Although an attempt was made to get the expected cruel guy with the British accent, they should have taken a page from "Dungeons & Dragons" and got two of them. What? No Jeremy Irons? Twice the scenery chewing would have raised the cheese factor and perhaps balanced out the letdown of the obligatory showdown.

Do you smell what the Rock is cooking? A C-grade movie.

As a film aimed at young teens - fans of The Rock - there was probably no way more sex could have been brought into the film, though Kelly Hu does provide ample gawking material. So that couldn't have helped the film. Perhaps a great big CG monster such as the return of the scorpion creature that the Rock played in "The Mummy Returns" might have helped.

Based upon his performance here, there is probably hope for The Rock in at least one other try at having an action movie career. Unlike Arnie, Dwayne has started out having a funny bone and is fairly adequate with the stunts (though he isn't helped here with Xena quality acrobatics and slow swordfighting).

People who may be dismayed that "The Scorpion King" is trying to take away from "Conan the Barbarian" as premier barbarian movie don't have much to fear and are missing the mark. This is a show to entertain your little brother.

In theatres now

The story of three men from opposite sides of the Bosnian - Serbian war who are trapped in a trench between battle lines, "No Man's Land" is a farce of the conflict played out on a "Waiting for Godot" scale. The conflicts and resolutions as handled by the three men serve as an allegory for the savage civil war with each side accusing the other of atrocities, of backing out of agreements and eventually abandon hope. Eventually, other parties are drawn into the story representing the media, the UN and the leaders pushing the buttons.

"No Man's Land" begins when a patrol of Bosnian volunteers takes refuge in a fog only to find themselves in open ground when the fog rises the next day. All but two of the patrol are cut down immediately by the nearby Serbian line. One man, Ciki, though wounded, makes it to an abandoned trench in the center of a valley contested by both sides in the war. The Serbs send a couple men to check it out, one of whom is raw recruit, Nino. In the firefight that follows, only Ciki and Nino are left, both wounded and cut off from their respective sides.

Their situation is further complicated when another survivor from the Bosnian patrol, Cera, awakens to find that his 'body' has been booby trapped by the Serbs so that he cannot move. Nino, the Serb, cannot leave because he has become Ciki's prisoner. Ciki can't leave because he doesn't want to abandon his friend Cera. Meanwhile, neither the Bosnian nor Serb sides know what exactly is going on inside the trench.

The three men find themselves trapped not only by their circumstances but by their psychologies. Unwilling to trust each other and unwilling to back down, Ciki and Nino take turns one-upping the other, taking each other prisoner in turns, then deciding on a tense stand off with both sides shouldering their weapons.

Two sides on the brink of agreement

While the film concentrates on the three men as they talk out their versions of the causes of the war and their own prejudices and commonalities, "No Man's Land" is good. Confined to the three men, the allegory can work, with each men representing the misunderstandings, fears and idealisms of their people. Neither Ciki nor Nino are raving bigots, but neither are they beyond taking advantage of slips of the other to the point of shooting and knifing one another when given the chance. Each drags down the other when one side has a change to escape the situation.

Unfortunately, when Ciki and Nino's capers eventually attract the attention of the United Nations, and the play widens to include other characters, the allegory breaks down into a series of unsophisticated stereotypes. A local French-UN sergeant is willing to help get the men out but is held back by the UN bureaucracy represented by desk-bound administrator Brit. A team of goulish reporters and TV camera crews home in on the men's plight, brushing aside the men's feelings in their search for high ratings blood. A German bomb disposal expert is clinically efficient but morally cold.

"No Man's Land" pokes fun at the blue helmeted 'Smurfs' of the UN

It's at this point, when the media circus descends on the three men, that "No Man's Land" loses its focus and becomes a flailing diatribe against the ignorant position of the west which allows rules to prevent the straight forward rescue of three men. "No Man's Land" seems to ascribe the failure of the west to intercede to slavish attention to appearances and rules. In this "No Man's Land" shares a lot with "Catch-22" and "Paths of Glory". However, unlike these films, "No Man's Land" paints its strokes with a heavy hand without injecting humour or smarts.

What would have been helpful was a script that decided either to be heavy handed and funny to begin or to go with a more subtle and dramatic approach. As it is, "No Man's Land" veers between the two approaches. It makes its points but not in a particularly artful or entertaining way.

On DVD.